albertmcwilliams's posterous

a bit iffy at times, but generally a good idea

My day with AT&T: Episode 1

In June of 2009 my company, Quack!Media, switched all of our telcom over to AT&T because we wanted iPhones. Our Internet, our phones, our mobile lines are now all on AT&T. Over the course of the past year and a half since switching, I've spent days grating my brain into a fine julienne across the spinning-brain-shredder that is AT&T.

I've started recording my interactions so that they may rip through your brains as well.

Over the next few days I'll post snippets of my most recent foray into "trying to get something really, terribly simple done." Generally, these interactions begin with me trying to give AT&T more money, them making it extremely difficult and painful for me to give them money, and then, in the end, me working very hard to figure out a way to give them money.

In this episode, I call AT&T to add Internet service at our new, second location. Imagine that, a business with multiple locations. To my surprise, Quack! is the first company to ever need Internet at multiple locations - or so it would seem based on the difficulty (impossibility at first) of the process.

At first, Dennis told me that Internet service was not available at my second location, at all. Our second location, which is only blocks away from our main location, and is in downtown Ann Arbor, Mi. Dennis tells me that AT&T does not provide Internet at that location and they would have to send engineers out to cable the area etc. etc. etc.

I don't believe him. So, after much arguing and attempting to convince him that "I promise you there is Internet service there, look again,"  I decided to just hang up and call back in hopes of getting someone else.

The video below is an excerpt from my second call, where I got Dennis again ... WHICH IS INSANE. Unedited, second call time is around 40:00 minutes.

 

Episode 2 later this week... this isn't over...

OK Used Cars

Lately I've found myself at a lot of small-town gas stations on the weekends. That's not to say that I'm really into gas stations, but I do like small towns on the weekends. Unfortunately in a lot of small towns 'round here, the gas station is the only thing left. They are perhaps the perfect place to marvel at the wonders of America. If you're reading this on your iPhone, you're likely as out of touch with said wonders as I am.

In Chelsea Michigan (home of Michigan's Jeff Daniels, and really more of a suburb than a small country town), I came across this bit of brilliance, however unintentional.

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"Okay Used Cars"

These are not great cars. They're not stupendous cars. They're likely not even pristine cars. These used cars are OK. You want Fabulous used cars? Go down the street, perhaps they can help you, but if you want a decent car, that's not too awesome, but pretty OK, we have you covered.

No, we don't offer any sort of warranty, but we've given them a good look over and there doesn't appear to be any glaring problems. The radio probably doesn't sound great, but they'll get you from here to there. Well, yes, you'll probably have to put some work into it every year... but not too much. You know, brakes ... maybe the clutch in a few thousand miles. This is a solid auto - but it ain't a new BMW. Who do you think you are? Who do you think we are?

I love it. If I were looking for solid transportation, that wasn't to frilly, at a fair price I would patronize these honest purveyors of OK used cars.

In most, if not all industries, but especially the used-auto game, emphatic words are expletive. Saying a used car is "great," "awesome," "fantastic," "the best," "super," is absolutely meaningless. These days, when we're competing so hard for attention, once you have a potential customer's attention, why waste it with a meaningless word? Adding the word "great" in there would have reduced their message to simply, "used cars."

The word "OK," however, still means something. It means something because I've never heard a Used Card dude say, "These cars? These cars are okay." Standing in a used car lot is one of the most accurate stereotypes on the planet. If you haven't tried it lately, I suggest it. Head on down to the cleanest, most modern, forward-looking used car joint in town and shop for a car. Odds are you'll have the same experience your dad had in 1958. Apparently, they haven't heard the jokes or seen the cartoonish characters in movies. The Used Car Salesmen is alive and well ... and sometimes even wearing a tweed suit.

In Chelsea, Michigan though, the used cars are "OK," and that makes me trust the shit outta them.

Relied on does not make Reliable

I deleted my Facebook account.

It bothers me that I'm even writing about leaving a website. Has Facebook, a company, a website, become that much a part of my every-day that I need to make this big of a deal when I turn it off? What if a TV show did that. What if I called you all and told you that I had chosen to no longer watch Niecy (Neecy?, Niieecy?) Nash clean up people's nasty-ass homes?

You'd hang up on me. Out of the goodness of your heart and perhaps a bit of pity, you might still be my friend.

With Facebook however, when I announced I'd turn it off people emailed me pleading a case to stay. As much as Facebook itself is an interesting social experiment, leaving it is even more enlightening. In the course of my email exchange with one person who asked me to stay, I was able to flush out a little more of why I was leaving. The more reasons he put forward for staying, the more I realized they were all reasons not to have a Facebook account.

By far the most common, and initially compelling, reason to have a Facebook account is to "stay connected." That's the whole schtick right? Supposedly, right now today, Facebook is the best way to stay up on local and national issues, social events, music, hilarious memes, who is dating who, birthdays, etc. It was brought to my attention that people rely on Facebook to update me about those things. 

People rely on Facebook to tell me things they want me to know.

I assure you that not for many years, and probably never, have I actually noticed much information passed to me via Facebook. So, if you'd been relying on it to get information to me, or likely anyone, it probably wasn't working. I apologize if I missed your birthday party, charity luncheon or bake sale.

That said, I was wrong to set a little box out on the curb saying, "comments, information, invitations for Al! put them Here!" and then ignoring said box once it got too full.

I fixed the problem. I threw away the box.

I still have a box. I have a number of boxes actually, both public and private, but since you need a key to put stuff into them by having my email, phone or physical address, your important information will not get buried by a bunch of asshole DJs.

There is a relatively new branch of psychology called Evolutionary Psychology. While generally more complicated than I can understand without an advance degree in the subject, essentially it says that as humans we've grown smart enough to alter our environment and therefore social structures considerably faster than the process of evolution. As you would assume, this creates some serious dissonance. We're wired for small hunter-gatherer tribal groups fighting for survival, and  yet we're WIRED with global, real-time communication networks.

Let's just say the best reason to leave Facebook is that there really isn't a reason to have it in the first place. If you think of a reason, try rephrasing it as a reason to not. It always works.

of Redundant Networks, Exodus, and C.I.H.P.S.

I think perhaps the root of my issues with Facebook is that it's redundant. It's a network for sharing stuff, built on a network for sharing stuff. It's a place for networking setting on top of a network built for interaction and communication. In an effort to shift things back to the original Internet, as opposed to the Facenet, before I delete my account next week...

Here's a photo from Kevin Miller's trip to Istanbul. Honestly, I've never see it that cheap either.

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Okay FacePage, I'm out.

I've been talking about leaving Facepage for awhile now, but I always saw SOME reason to stay. There's been some, possible, far-fetched idea that maybe, just MAYBE it's good for my business/career, though I've never been able to find any actual evidence. There's the idea that I get a chuckle here and there, and that primarily, how else am I going to placate my own fragile ego by broadcasting my short quips?

Sure, I get about 1,200 reads of each post here.... and about 1,100 of them are referrals from Facepage.

However, I am now out. I will be quitting Facebook in seven days. Next monday... account deleted.

Awhile back some text messages were leaked from Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg from his Harvard days, and today he confirmed them. Sure, he says he was young, and he's changed....

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ZUCK: yea so if you ever need info about anyone at harvard
ZUCK: just ask
ZUCK: i have over 4000 emails, pictures, addresses, sns
FRIEND: what!? how’d you manage that one?
ZUCK: people just submitted it
ZUCK: i don’t know why
ZUCK: they “trust me”
ZUCK: dumb fucks
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Honestly, I've seen little to prove that he, and the rest of the Facebook staff/crew, don't still look at us all as "Dumb Fucks."

... and really honestly, if I stuck around here suckling at the teat of my own petty self-indulgence and faux-promised fantasies of profit while some D-bag and his D-bagites, walk away with a fortune, laughing to themselves about what a dumb fuck I am for letting them.... well... I am a dumb fuck.

So to you Facebook, I say GOOD DAY.

I'll still broadcast myself here, to a much smaller audience.

If you want me to come to your wedding, bar mitzvah, or shitty DJ show, you're going to have to invite me personally, via email.

al *at* quackmedia *dot* com