About eight months ago, while playing around on Facebook Ads, I noticed that I could target down to one person, and buy with CPM, which only being seen by one person, would cost only fractions of a penny. This is a neat idea. it's the same idea as Alec's. The difference here is that I only used the idea to mess with our music producer, and epic-good-sport, Zach Curd:

A couple weeks ago I needed underwear. Due to my penchant for less-than-roomy pant-wear, my undergarments tend to wear holes quickly causing my jibbles to jobble. No one likes a jobbling jibble.

As a member of Shopittome (perhaps the most simply brilliant piece of marketing in recent memory), I saw some Diesel Boxer-Briefs available for half-price and jumped on it. Diesel hasn't let me down in the past with stylish footwear and denim that makes me look just a little taller than I actually am - I think it's magic.

I was on pair 3 of 4 when I noticed the phrase "Only the Brave," demonstrated here by my actual ass:

Anyone reading my actual ass would be left one of two assumptions: 1) I really buy-in to douchey slogans like "only the brave," which would confuse them as I don't wear Axe body spray or own even one "Coed Naked" shirt. 2) I'm trying to tell them something about what lies beneath, and that whatever it is will take some measure of valor to conquer - like poo-bits.

So, Diesel, usually so cool, has printed "Only the Brave" on asses. How did they miss the implications?

Think about how many people had to sign off on this before it made it to my ass. Thirty, forty, perhaps a hundred people of varying levels of intelligence let this pass without saying, "hey, um, that's kind of a weird phrase to put by your butt." Whenever I see something like this (Sears, I'm looking at you "Blue Tool Crew"), it reminds me to listen to everyone... everyone. 

If you're on a creative team, or leading a creative team, there are ideas flying out everywhere and it's really easy to fall in love with one, especially if it's yours. I'll never be able to play out every possible contingency in my own head, so the people around me need to be comfortable speaking up and saying, "Hey, Al... what about the underwear line? It's super awkward and kind of references poop." 

It's easy to say things like, "a team environment where all ideas are welcome," but the trick is to balance that with "but don't be afraid to tell me when we're walking off a cliff."

This is also a great opportunity for you all to come up with even better things to print on asses: What's Diesel's next underwear line called? GO:

 

Other than my disinterest in supporting Mark Zuckerberg ,who is about to supplant Dov Charney as Douchiest CEO in America, the reasons to bail out are getting intense. I'm not terribly concerned about privacy, to be honest. When it comes down to it, most of us are on Facebook in the first place for the opposite of privacy. Most of us don't go on Facebook to hear about you, we go on there to talk about us. Look at me. Look at my life. Isn't it awesome. Aren't I hilarious; I made a joke about underwear. In this sense, complaining about privacy violations on Facebook is like telling your dominatrix to stop because it hurts when she uses the stilettos. Facebook needs a safe word.

That absence of a safe-word is what I really don't like. I'm annoyed by their penchant for changing the rules, and then telling you about it after the fact, and then not giving you the ability to opt-out entirely. Recently when they opened the site up to corporate partners, your information was public until marked otherwise. The same thing was true when they opened up your profiles, and photo libraries. Many of you still haven't gone through and made your photos private one-gallery-at-a-time. So no, chick I knew in high school, I can't read your status updates, but I can see the pictures of you doing body-shots in Cancun.

 

Also, I'm frustrated with their lack of transparency. We get it. Every one of the recent changes has been formulated to create more apparent value to big-brand advertisers and marketers. We're not stupid, so just say that. It's fine, Facebook. You are providing a service, and I'm totally okay with you trying to make money at it, but don't tell me that it's to "enhance my Internet experience."

 

So why not quit right now? Why not tell Facebook to suck it?

 

Recently, Silicon Alley Insider (the blog I love to hate) posted ten reasons you'll never quit Facebook. http://www.businessinsider.com/10-reasons-youll-never-quit-facebook-even-if-you-think-you-want-to-2010-5  and while I don't agree with many of them, there are a few reasons why Facebook is hard to drop.

 

First, I can probably draw a line between some money and Facebook. I'm sure someone, somewhere, went to see one of our bands because they saw the show posted on Facepage, or one of my truly witty status updates included a link to a project we were working on, and someone bought it. I'd like to emphasize the word "some" because, well, over six years I'm going to estimate the actual number around $100, or less. Then there's boning. Over six years, there has probably been an occasion where my membership on Facebook has led to sex, directly or indirectly, it's a pretty safe assumption. It's probably a pretty safe assumption for all of you. You decided to go to a party that you saw on Facepage, and met someone there; your friend-of-a-friend's comment about Obama got you talking and you ended up going on some dates; you may have even ended up engaged (to someone you stalked for months after spilling your beer on them).

 

No, I don't believe that people will deactivate their accounts by the millions in the coming months, but I definitely think they would jump-ship to a simpler, more honest alternative. The window is open.